You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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