Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
