If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
