eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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