Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
