Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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