The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
