About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
