after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
