you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
