It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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