Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
false alarm. still invincible.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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