I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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