shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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