That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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