I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
