Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
