Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
