its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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