Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize