How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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