my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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