Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The air was thick with penises
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
