and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Watching her eat just hurts me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
