FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
