going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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