Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
