In the future we'll all be gay
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
