i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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