but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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