Just mADE A PArabola og urine
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
