the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wear drunk well.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
