I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Everclear isn't food dammit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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