i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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