The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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