I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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