My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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