his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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