It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
