I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
