Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
