And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
