it was like his penis was on wheels.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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