2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
