GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
