Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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