Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
