the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
