The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
