apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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