Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
