I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think i have two assholes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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