Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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