I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.