I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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