she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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