You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
