Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and she was petting her beer can
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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