I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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