I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
