Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize