He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
