Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
