remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
