My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
