Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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