Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
