hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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